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#1 inkman

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Posted 13 July 2017 - 10:10 AM

So I recently interviewed for an internal position and was told I didn't get it because I'm perceived as negative. I found it odd as I don't feel I'm that way at all at work.

I also get daily reminders from coworkers about this perception and my only conclusion is that I have RBF, resting bitch face.

I'm not sure how to overcome this "ailment" but it appears if I want to move any further up the corporate ladder I nedd to turn my frown upside down.

Anyone else have to deal with this phenomenon? 😬


Photographic evidence


https://www.instagra...m/p/9D-x7Nq0e1/

Edited by inkman, 13 July 2017 - 10:10 AM.


#2 Drunkard

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Posted 13 July 2017 - 10:14 AM

Get high before work. And again at lunch. Your productivity and performance may suffer but the idiots in charge will see your transformed demeanor and that seems to be what they care about.

Edited by Drunkard, 13 July 2017 - 10:14 AM.


#3 Derrico

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Posted 13 July 2017 - 10:15 AM

You look like a miserable SOB :P



#4 inkman

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Posted 13 July 2017 - 10:20 AM

Get high before work. And again at lunch. Your productivity and performance may suffer but the idiots in charge will see your transformed demeanor and that seems to be what they care about.


I covertly suggested that in our morning meeting, "maybe I need to do something different before coming into work"

You look like a miserable SOB :P


I know... That's the problem!!

#5 WildCard

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Posted 13 July 2017 - 10:22 AM

Drinking, tobacco, and listening to music all help me.

 

As I type that I realize I have an expiration date way too young for my age 



#6 Saratoga Sabres Fan

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Posted 13 July 2017 - 10:23 AM

Perhaps use it as an opportunity for self examination?

What type of work is it?

#7 d4rksabre

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Posted 13 July 2017 - 10:24 AM

So I recently interviewed for an internal position and was told I didn't get it because I'm perceived as negative. I found it odd as I don't feel I'm that way at all at work.

I also get daily reminders from coworkers about this perception and my only conclusion is that I have RBF, resting bitch face.

I'm not sure how to overcome this "ailment" but it appears if I want to move any further up the corporate ladder I nedd to turn my frown upside down.

Anyone else have to deal with this phenomenon? 😬


Photographic evidence


https://www.instagra...m/p/9D-x7Nq0e1/


It sounds like your bosses are full of ###### and just didn't want to give you the job. How you look shouldn't have anything to do with it. They should know that by now just from working with you all these years.

#8 Josie914

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Posted 13 July 2017 - 10:35 AM

Fellow RBF here.  I hate when people ask me "what's wrong?" when I'm just sitting there. Naturally droopy/serious face. Self fulfilling prophecy unless I'm actively focusing on cracking jokes or something. I actually used to chew gum a ton in college so I just looked more like a cow chewing cud than a miserable b!tch. 

Pretty sure it contributed to the end of my last job, too. "You never look like you're enthusiastic when you're working, you look tired". 

That or I wasn't getting drunk and sleeping with my bosses like I was supposed to. I just wasn't fun enough. 

 

I guess I don't know your situation, but people's perceptions can unfortunately really color your actual actions. First visual impressions will win over actually talking to someone, especially if they're in somewhat limited contact with you. It always surprises me when people tell me they were scared of me at first. "it's just your face, you just weren't that open or inviting"

 

Don't know what to do about it, short of wishing for better genes to make me different looking.



#9 WildCard

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Posted 13 July 2017 - 10:44 AM

It sounds like your bosses are full of ###### and just didn't want to give you the job. How you look shouldn't have anything to do with it. They should know that by now just from working with you all these years.

Not so sure. I've found that being a cheery ###### while not knowing anything at work will get you much further than the opposite

 

source: am cheery ######, don't know anything 



#10 Saratoga Sabres Fan

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Posted 13 July 2017 - 10:48 AM

Not so sure. I've found that being a cheery ###### while not knowing anything at work will get you much further than the opposite

source: am cheery ######, don't know anything


This is true. Unless you're performing skilled labor, a positive attitude typically pays off in the workplace.

#11 sodbuster

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Posted 13 July 2017 - 11:11 AM

Bring things in for your coworkers from time to time. Stop off at DD or Timmys and grab a dozen and a box of joe. People love free stuff.

Perhaps use it as an opportunity for self examination?

What type of work is it?

I think thats frowned upon in pretty much any workplace...

#12 We've

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Posted 13 July 2017 - 11:18 AM

Was so hoping this topic was about root beer floats....

#13 Saratoga Sabres Fan

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Posted 13 July 2017 - 11:20 AM

Bring things in for your coworkers from time to time. Stop off at DD or Timmys and grab a dozen and a box of joe. People love free stuff.

I think thats frowned upon in pretty much any workplace...


Yeah true but what I mean is I work in a unionized plant and job bids are seniority based. I know some rather grumpy pipe fitters, electricians etc.

Though positivity in the work place is always good even if it doesn't result in financial gain.

Was so hoping this topic was about root beer floats....


I too am a fan of the sassafrass.

#14 inkman

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Posted 13 July 2017 - 11:25 AM

This is true. Unless you're performing skilled labor, a positive attitude typically pays off in the workplace.


But I feel I have a positive attitude it's just the perception is that I don't because I'm not walking around like Katrina and the waves.

#15 Drunkard

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Posted 13 July 2017 - 11:25 AM

I covertly suggested that in our morning meeting, "maybe I need to do something different before coming into work"

I know... That's the problem!!

 

As long as they don't drug test at your job give it a shot. It wouldn't hurt to go with sodbuster's suggestion either and bring in donuts and coffee as well. As long as the munchies you'll no doubt have from your daily wake and bake session don't cause you to horde all the donuts for yourself and snap at people who try to grab one. That'll just make things worse.



#16 inkman

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Posted 13 July 2017 - 11:28 AM

It sounds like your bosses are full of ###### and just didn't want to give you the job. How you look shouldn't have anything to do with it. They should know that by now just from working with you all these years.


Except this isn't how things work in the real world. Perception is reality and I'm a victim of RBF. Maybe I can go on disability. :lol: 😬

#17 Saratoga Sabres Fan

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Posted 13 July 2017 - 11:30 AM

But I feel I have a positive attitude it's just the perception is that I don't because I'm not walking around like Katrina and the waves.


I know we've had our disagreements and I'm not taking this as a shot at you but maybe you're unaware of how you're coming across at work? I obviously have no idea as we don't work together.

I have a coworker who is extremely short tempered and he's oblivious to it. I have a tendency to be lazy at work (I'm a guard) and I was unaware of it til it was pointed out to me.

#18 d4rksabre

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Posted 13 July 2017 - 11:31 AM

Except this isn't how things work in the real world. Perception is reality and I'm a victim of RBF. Maybe I can go on disability. :lol: 😬


But they know your personality. That's the rub. They know you're not a grumpy ###### just because you look like one. They're basically saying that despite your years of service they have no idea who you are.

#19 Doohickie

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Posted 13 July 2017 - 11:53 AM

Not sure what your corporate culture is like, but I think the RBF may be only part of it.  Your look maybe actually intimidating to some people.  They're afraid of you maybe.  Or perhaps it connotes "defiant non-conformist" when they'd like to see "cooperative team player."  You have a right to look how you want, but there's no denying that looks will affect others' perceptions of you.  Maybe in your social circles "defiant" is taken as a positive, so you have to decide whether you're going to follow your social pack or your work pack.

 

You may feel that your look is part of you, and it's only skin deep and they shouldn't penalize you for it, but you may look at it the other way around.  If looks are only skin deep, adopt a look that's more conventional in your corporate culture- grow out your hair and get a traditional haircut; Keep the beard professionally trimmed, etc.  It won't change who you are inside, but it may alter others' perception of you.  For those who may be skeptical that your defiant mojo isn't what they're looking for, it will communicate to them that you've made a conscious decision to adopt the norms of their "pack"; they'll perceive that you're supportive of the corporate ideals (or their version of it).

 

I work for a large corporation, and for as much as they like to think they are inclusive and embrace diversity, there's a certain "look" that populates org charts at the higher levels.  They all look like they've been to charm school; they all look like they get regular haircuts; they all look pretty boring.  It may be RBF, but it could also be that upper management doesn't think you have the look that management should have.  You may have t choose between your freedom of personal expression and corporate advancement.

 

I'm not saying it's right or fair that you should have to do this, but it's part of the world we live in.


Edited by Doohickie, 13 July 2017 - 11:54 AM.


#20 Sabres79

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Posted 13 July 2017 - 11:59 AM

I am fortunate enough to be in a position where being a stony bastard is a veritable boon. God help me if and when I change jobs, so I feel for you.

#21 Drunkard

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Posted 13 July 2017 - 12:00 PM

Not sure what your corporate culture is like, but I think the RBF may be only part of it.  Your look maybe actually intimidating to some people.  They're afraid of you maybe.  Or perhaps it connotes "defiant non-conformist" when they'd like to see "cooperative team player."  You have a right to look how you want, but there's no denying that looks will affect others' perceptions of you.  Maybe in your social circles "defiant" is taken as a positive, so you have to decide whether you're going to follow your social pack or your work pack.

 

You may feel that your look is part of you, and it's only skin deep and they shouldn't penalize you for it, but you may look at it the other way around.  If looks are only skin deep, adopt a look that's more conventional in your corporate culture- grow out your hair and get a traditional haircut; Keep the beard professionally trimmed, etc.  It won't change who you are inside, but it may alter others' perception of you.  For those who may be skeptical that your defiant mojo isn't what they're looking for, it will communicate to them that you've made a conscious decision to adopt the norms of their "pack"; they'll perceive that you're supportive of the corporate ideals (or their version of it).

 

I work for a large corporation, and for as much as they like to think they are inclusive and embrace diversity, there's a certain "look" that populates org charts at the higher levels.  They all look like they've been to charm school; they all look like they get regular haircuts; they all look pretty boring.  It may be RBF, but it could also be that upper management doesn't think you have the look that management should have.  You may have t choose between your freedom of personal expression and corporate advancement.

 

I'm not saying it's right or fair that you should have to do this, but it's part of the world we live in.

 

 

This is a good point. The shaved head with a goatee can turn some people away. It's a look that typically fits a guy who rebuilds motorcycles rather than upper management. If the weed and donuts don't do the trick you may want to change your look, at least until you land the promotion. That's what I do.

 

Everytime I've ever interviewed for a job I've had a new haircut and a clean shave. After 6 months to a year of working there I go scruffy and push the limits of whatever dress code is in place. If I start applying for other jobs or promotions I go back to looking clean cut. It's all part of the game.



#22 pi2000

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Posted 13 July 2017 - 12:01 PM

laugh more

 

and smile for about 30s first thing in the morning after you get up

 

nothing you wear is more important than your smile.
 


Edited by pi2000, 13 July 2017 - 12:03 PM.


#23 MattPie

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Posted 13 July 2017 - 12:13 PM


I work for a large corporation, and for as much as they like to think they are inclusive and embrace diversity, there's a certain "look" that populates org charts at the higher levels.  They all look like they've been to charm school; they all look like they get regular haircuts; they all look pretty boring.  It may be RBF, but it could also be that upper management doesn't think you have the look that management should have.  You may have t choose between your freedom of personal expression and corporate advancement.

 

That reminds me, I need to get that clean-shaven, wearing a suit, 3/4 turn head shot taken for my email profile picture at work. :)


Edited by MattPie, 13 July 2017 - 12:14 PM.


#24 inkman

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Posted 13 July 2017 - 12:16 PM

But they know your personality. That's the rub. They know you're not a grumpy ###### just because you look like one. They're basically saying that despite your years of service they have no idea who you are.


Well this is the crux of the issue. I've been here 18 years. The people making these decisions I hardly interact with. They don't know me, they just see the RBF, bald tattooed middle aged mofo and assume a bad disposition. I have no one to blame but myself (and maybe my parents) for my situation. I made this bed, knowingly or not, and now I need to sleep in it.

#25 Doohickie

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Posted 13 July 2017 - 12:19 PM

That reminds me, I need to get that clean-shaven, wearing a suit, 3/4 turn head shot taken for my email profile picture at work. :)

 

I asked the VP of my org if I should use Chicken Head as my company profile picture.  She just kind of shrugged and shook her head no.


Well this is the crux of the issue. I've been here 18 years. The people making these decisions I hardly interact with. They don't know me, they just see the RBF, bald tattooed middle aged mofo and assume a bad disposition. I have no one to blame but myself (and maybe my parents) for my situation. I made this bed, knowingly or not, and now I need to sleep in it.

 

Or you could get some new bedclothes.



#26 Sabres Fan In NS

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Posted 13 July 2017 - 12:24 PM

News flash ... this resting bitchy face thing is made up.

 

That's not to say that your expression is not one that would be described as such.

 

The chicken head guy may be on to something that your expression is a part of your whole look that may be an issue with some.

 

Now Ink, I have an inclination since you said that you do not recognise that you have this expression and it belies what you really feel ... you, my friend, are a highly functioning, but enough so that it impacts your life, at least work life, but if you were to really ask your wife and close friends they would tell you that it impacts your non-work life as well ... sorry for the run on there ... a highly functioning autistic.  Of course, this is only my opinion and I am not a doctor, but I do know a thing or two about this subject, as I was diagnosed in 2005 as exactly that.



#27 MattPie

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Posted 13 July 2017 - 12:34 PM

On a related note, Case #6 in our annual ethics training today was essentially, "gigantic, bald, tattooed guy at work gets harassed because he turned in the previous manager for cutting corners. And, he's scary."



#28 That Aud Smell

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Posted 13 July 2017 - 12:50 PM

Not sure what your corporate culture is like, but I think the RBF may be only part of it. 

 

<snip>

 

I'm not saying it's right or fair that you should have to do this, but it's part of the world we live in.

 

I found this to be thoughtful, balanced, and on the mark.

 

Well this is the crux of the issue. I've been here 18 years. The people making these decisions I hardly interact with. They don't know me, they just see the RBF, bald tattooed middle aged mofo and assume a bad disposition. I have no one to blame but myself (and maybe my parents) for my situation. I made this bed, knowingly or not, and now I need to sleep in it.

 

There's still time to change the road you're on.

 

Led Zeppelin taught me that.

 

Still not sure what a bustle in my hedgerow would be about, though.


And I'll add: I have avoided Stairway for years (decades) because of its having been over-played. Listening to it now. Effing good song (copyright infringement claims notwithstanding).



#29 dudacek

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Posted 13 July 2017 - 12:51 PM

I found this to be thoughtful, balanced, and on the mark.
 

 
There's still time to change the road you're on.
 
Led Zeppelin taught me that.
 
Still not sure what a bustle in my hedgerow would be about, though.


I wouldn't be alarmed.

#30 Sabres Fan In NS

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Posted 13 July 2017 - 12:52 PM

I wouldn't be alarmed.

 

It's probably just a spring clean.



#31 Randall Flagg

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Posted 13 July 2017 - 12:57 PM

I found this to be thoughtful, balanced, and on the mark.

 

 

There's still time to change the road you're on.

 

Led Zeppelin taught me that.

 

Still not sure what a bustle in my hedgerow would be about, though.


And I'll add: I have avoided Stairway for years (decades) because of its having been over-played. Listening to it now. Effing good song (copyright infringement claims notwithstanding).

I've got a 3 year streak going of not hearing it once, and there was a time where I intentionally listened to it every day for years. 

 

Copyright issues from blues-based artists don't bother me even a little bit.



#32 Assquatch

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Posted 13 July 2017 - 01:10 PM

I've found that upper management wants subordinates to be perceived as cheery yes-men while being perceived as miserable ###### themselves. The solution to this is to take that position with another company where the deck's not already stacked against you (assuming you can twinkly-eyed smile your way through the hiring process).



#33 sabills

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Posted 13 July 2017 - 01:14 PM

I don't have anything really insightful to say, but did you take that picture in a dentist's chair?



#34 Sabre fan

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Posted 13 July 2017 - 01:19 PM

have you in the past been depressed or negative? Since my heart attack and all the bad crap I have been through people tell me I look tired or like crap even when I think I feel pretty good. I think we wear things from our past whether we know or like it...



#35 Doohickie

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Posted 13 July 2017 - 01:23 PM

It's probably just a spring clean.

 

For the May Queen.



#36 Sabres Fan In NS

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Posted 13 July 2017 - 01:24 PM

For the May Queen.

 

Nope, Freddie ...

 

:flirt:



#37 Sabre fan

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Posted 13 July 2017 - 01:28 PM

Two paths...I can go by...I think there is still time to change the one I'm on



#38 dudacek

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Posted 13 July 2017 - 01:39 PM

Some of the posts on this thread make me wonder.
I mean, they really make me wonder.

#39 R_dudly

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Posted 13 July 2017 - 02:36 PM

Not sure what your corporate culture is like, but I think the RBF may be only part of it.  Your look maybe actually intimidating to some people.  They're afraid of you maybe.  Or perhaps it connotes "defiant non-conformist" when they'd like to see "cooperative team player."  You have a right to look how you want, but there's no denying that looks will affect others' perceptions of you.  Maybe in your social circles "defiant" is taken as a positive, so you have to decide whether you're going to follow your social pack or your work pack.

 

You may feel that your look is part of you, and it's only skin deep and they shouldn't penalize you for it, but you may look at it the other way around.  If looks are only skin deep, adopt a look that's more conventional in your corporate culture- grow out your hair and get a traditional haircut; Keep the beard professionally trimmed, etc.  It won't change who you are inside, but it may alter others' perception of you.  For those who may be skeptical that your defiant mojo isn't what they're looking for, it will communicate to them that you've made a conscious decision to adopt the norms of their "pack"; they'll perceive that you're supportive of the corporate ideals (or their version of it).

 

I work for a large corporation, and for as much as they like to think they are inclusive and embrace diversity, there's a certain "look" that populates org charts at the higher levels.  They all look like they've been to charm school; they all look like they get regular haircuts; they all look pretty boring.  It may be RBF, but it could also be that upper management doesn't think you have the look that management should have.  You may have t choose between your freedom of personal expression and corporate advancement.

 

I'm not saying it's right or fair that you should have to do this, but it's part of the world we live in.

This is where I was going to go except briefer and less eloquent. 

 

The current look beard, goatee and shaved head does have a Biker / Neo-Nazi connotation good bad or different



#40 inkman

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Posted 13 July 2017 - 03:30 PM

I don't have anything really insightful to say, but did you take that picture in a dentist's chair?

Indeed. We've called me on it a while back.

This is where I was going to go except briefer and less eloquent.

The current look beard, goatee and shaved head does have a Biker / Neo-Nazi connotation good bad or different

Yeah and photos from my brothers wedding have me questioning myself. Granted, I'm 12-15 years older than everyone else that was in the wedding party but man did I look like crap. Just old, tired, burnt. I wonder if a lifestyle change is in order. I started smoking weed daily in the last year mostly to help me sleep but I'm curious if that along with an extremely long history of drinking and smoking has made me look like a dirty dish towel.

Edited by inkman, 13 July 2017 - 03:31 PM.